Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Judgement Moms

Recently I thought I might be pregnant because sometimes when it comes to sex and men I become an idiot. That is Ok I accept this about myself and its all good. Anyways during this time I thought about if I managed to get through a whole pregnancy ( I tend to miscarry) how would I manage. These thoughts were the normal ones of finances and would the Father actually help me etc...

Than another thought occurred the one that truly horrified me!


The judgement of pretentious parents in the town I live in. You know the types I am a better Mother than thou. I meet them all the time. I cannot stand these Moms who go about flaunting how all their food and clothing and even their diapers are organic. How they only carry their children about in cloth Papooses, and they would never put their child in a baby swing while doing household chores.

My beautiful daughter did not get all organic food in fact i used the jarred stuff and she loved it. I use disposable diapers and I loved them!  We had a front carry on for her that clipped off to become a baby seat which was awesome for walks in the mall when we stopped and had dinner.  The best thing of all was that baby swing and Blues Clues on the TV so I could get the cleaning done and make dinner. I like the way my daughter turned out fine thank you!

(Bean as a little kid.) 

I can see me now trying to do all of this around here. I would be shunned by quite a few other Mothers. Hell I already have been. I am not saying that organic noms and fancy green baby stuff is not awesome. What I am saying is we all parent differently and it does not make us bad Mothers when we say the hell with it and use a cheaper or easier way of doing things.

So if your a Mom have you ever felt judged by other Mothers? Did you ever let your daughter eat a mushed banana off the ground and get the evil eye?

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Romance in 2012

Another year gone by and I am not sure what to say about it. I mean was it a good year or a bad year? I would say it was better than some, but like most years it had its up and downs just like life does.  A lot of small dating experiences where I started to wonder if bad sex and flings were just my life now.  I did not want to think that despite my belief that there is nothing wrong with sex and flings deep down I wanted a bit more. I am far more of a romantic than I claim to be.  With that being said I do not like cheesy romance either that is constantly making you sick. I think the reason that kind of constant lovey doveyness makes us feel like puking out a whole bottle of Merlot along with the remnants of our dinner is because its not real. I will get back to that in another post.

Anyways romance seemed to not be for me and I tried my best to accept that. I got my diploma and rambled on through my life. Than I met bearded dickhead whom we shall call BD. BD seemed like a decent guy at first. He after all seemed more interested in me than just an overnight fling. He had a steady job, a daughter the same age as mine. We had a lot in common like Doctor Who and other sci- fi and fantasy interests. He took an interest in certain things I liked in the bedroom. Hurrah! So maybe I was not that attracted to him on a physical level but I decided that would be shallow to choose people in that manner. I felt I had grown out of the need to have them look a certain way to make me happy. I think I was so busy feeling good about myself for going out with someone that was not my style physically I missed the fact that he was a jerk. He constantly had a reason to not come and see me and I tried to be understanding because his excuses were about the ex wife and what a fright she was and how she never came to get her daughter when she was supposed to. Well I knew all about that sort of stuff due to my own ex husband so I waited it out..  Well BD finally did come see me and most of the time he talked about his ex wife and his Mother and how horrible they were , but in reality they did not seem so horrible to me. They seemed like strong women who just chose different things in life than maybe he thought they should. I still ignored this and had some really great sex. So of course I tried to stick with him. He did not want to stick with me though because I asked questions and I did not agree with him on many things and this just made him angry. We both decided we would be better off just being FWB (friends with benefits).  After our last encounter though I realized the man is just a dickhead and he always would be a dickhead. So I moved on and he did as well. I never heard from him again and I was might fine alrighty with that.

Than came K. He had already started messaging me before I was even done with dickhead. He was persistent, and sweet, and romantic. We had everything in common from Horror movies to the food we enjoyed. He kept saying how perfect we were for each other and I totally fell for it all the way down the well. We talked long into the night about every subject we could think of, and when he asked me things that might have made me run from others I actually started to rethink who I really was. He made me realize so many things about myself. Also we both are afraid of giraffes! How many people will you find afraid if giraffes?  So anyways on we went and he also never seemed to have any time for me. Except for conversations and I forgave him all of it because I had already fallen. He called me his love every time we spoke he talked about having this future together that I had never really wanted suddenly the idea of taking care of his three children and moving in with him seemed like a good thing. I was willing to rearrange my life to be with him. He talked of moving into my town and making a life together. All to good to be true you say?  He vanished from my life as though I was never of any importance. We had no argument, and nothing had been said to cause an upset at all. In fact he had vowed his love for me and I did for him.  Than poof he was gone! He broke my heart, and he also messed with my head.  No I do not want him back, because I could never trust him again. I would like an explanation just because well I am a cat and my curiosity beats out my need to stay away for the most part. So yeah I would like to know what the hell was that all about.

He did make me realize that i do want a relationship of some sort and not just flings though. Moving in with someone no I do not really want that right now. I am kind of used to doing things my own way.  On occasion though I would like someone around to change a lightbulb I cannot reach and snuggle into bed with. That would be nice.

Now its 2013 and I met someone else at the end of 2012 we shall call him Sir Blue Eyes.  He seems pretty awesome although we always seem to be on the opposite of the same coin but we converse about it instead of getting mad. He works hard and he can cook! He loves his family, which I think can be a good thing because it means if things go well and we become more serious someday he will love me and care for me the way he does with them.  I just need him to do something for me. Have some patience I have been through a lot not even counting the losers I dated in 2012. I got some trust issues and I am trying my best but I need some reassurance every now and than.  I hope that is not too much to ask.

So romance in 2012 not so great, but I always have hope.  Just like Charlotte in Sex and the City I always have hope for the real thing. I just try to hide it and act all tough cause I am a cancer and that is what crabs do we hide in our shells and scuttle about when what we really want is to take care of those around us if they will just look at us with adoring eyes and give us kisses on our foreheads till we fall asleep in each others arms.

Eh what a bunch of romantic crap. :)