Another year gone by and I am not sure what to say about it. I mean was it a
good year or a bad year? I would say it was better than some, but like most
years it had its up and downs just like life does. A lot of small dating
experiences where I started to wonder if bad sex and flings were just my life
now. I did not want to think that despite my belief that
there is nothing wrong with sex and flings deep down I wanted a bit more. I am
far more of a romantic than I claim to be. With that being said I do not
like cheesy romance either that is constantly making you sick. I think the
reason that kind of constant lovey
doveyness
makes us feel like puking out a whole bottle of Merlot along with the remnants
of our dinner is because its not real. I will get back to that in another
post.
Anyways romance seemed to not be for me and I tried my best to accept that.
I got my diploma and rambled on through my life. Than I met bearded dickhead whom we shall call
BD.
BD
seemed like a decent guy at first. He after all seemed more interested in me
than just an overnight fling. He had a steady job, a daughter the same age as
mine. We had a lot in common like Doctor Who and other sci-
fi and fantasy interests. He
took an interest in certain things I liked in the bedroom. Hurrah! So maybe I
was not that attracted to him on a physical level but I decided that would be
shallow to choose people in that manner. I felt I had grown out of the need to
have them look a certain way to make me happy. I think I was so busy feeling
good about myself for going out with someone that was not my style physically I
missed the fact that he was a jerk. He constantly had a reason to not come and
see me and I tried to be understanding because his excuses were about the ex
wife and what a fright she was and how she never came to get her daughter when
she was supposed to. Well I knew all about that sort of stuff due to my own ex husband so I
waited it out.. Well
BD
finally did come see me and most of the time he talked about his ex wife and
his Mother and how horrible they were , but in reality they did not seem so
horrible to me. They seemed like strong women who just chose different things
in life than maybe he thought they should. I still ignored this and had some
really great sex. So of course I tried to stick with him. He did not want to
stick with me though because I asked questions and I did not agree with him on
many things and this just made him angry. We both decided we would be better
off just being
FWB
(friends with benefits). After our last encounter though I realized the
man is just a dickhead and he always would be a dickhead. So I moved on and he
did as well. I never heard from him again and I was might fine alrighty with that.
Than came K. He had already started messaging me before I was even done with
dickhead. He was persistent, and sweet, and romantic. We had everything in
common from Horror movies to the food we enjoyed. He kept saying how perfect we
were for each other and I totally fell for it all the way down the well. We
talked long into the night about every subject we could think of, and when he
asked me things that might have made me run from others I actually started to
rethink who I really was. He made me realize so many things about myself. Also
we both are afraid of giraffes! How many people will you find afraid if
giraffes? So anyways on we went and he also never seemed to have any time
for me. Except for conversations and I forgave him all of it because I had
already fallen. He called me his love every time we spoke he talked about
having this future together that I had never really wanted suddenly the idea of
taking care of his three children and moving in with him seemed like a good
thing. I was willing to rearrange my life to be with him. He talked of moving
into my town and making a life together. All to good to be true you say?
He vanished from my life as though I was
never of any importance. We had no argument, and nothing had been said to cause
an upset at all. In fact he had vowed his love for me and I did for him.
Than poof he was gone! He broke my heart, and he also messed with my
head. No I do not want him back, because I could never trust him again. I
would like an explanation just because well I am a cat and my curiosity beats
out my need to stay away for the most part. So yeah I would like to know what
the hell was that all about.
He did make me realize that i do want a relationship of some sort and not just flings though. Moving in with someone no I do not really want that right now. I am kind of used to doing things my own way. On occasion though I would like someone around to change a lightbulb I cannot reach and snuggle into bed with. That would be nice.
Now its 2013 and I met someone else at the end of 2012 we shall call him Sir
Blue Eyes. He seems pretty awesome although we always seem to be on the
opposite of the same coin but we converse about it instead of getting mad. He
works hard and he can cook! He loves his family, which I think can be a good
thing because it means if things go well and we become more serious someday he will love me and care
for me the way he does with them. I just need him to do something for me.
Have some patience I have been through a lot not even counting the losers I
dated in 2012. I got some trust issues and I am trying my best but I need some
reassurance every now and than. I hope that is not too much to ask.
So romance in 2012 not so great, but I always have hope. Just like
Charlotte in Sex and the City I always have hope for the real thing. I just try
to hide it and act all tough cause I am a cancer and that is what crabs do we
hide in our shells and scuttle about when what we really want is to take care
of those around us if they will just look at us with adoring eyes and give us
kisses on our foreheads till we fall asleep in each others arms.
Eh what a bunch of romantic crap. :)
