Things have changed since Bridget Jones

Do you remember the book Bridget Jones Diary? I loved that book and the movie was pretty good as well. The thing was she showed how hard it was being single when all your coupled friends seemed to look down on you for it. This was a trend for some time, and may still be going on today although I have not felt that kind of pressure from my married or coupled up friends while I have been single.

Instead I have found a different pressure I keep facing that is truly annoying and I think lacking empathy. These days it seems women look down on their single friends for wanting to be coupled. I have done it as well. Well why do you need a man? This question pops up when someone is whining away over a pint of Ice cream that they cannot find a good man.  Who said she needed one? Maybe she just wants one?

What is wrong with wanting to be in a couple? Why is there this stigma against it? As though if you want to have a man in your life your a weak woman or less of a woman for it. How times have changed. Why is it that we cannot accept each other as sisters in this world just as we are?

Do not get me wrong their is nothing wrong with women who choose to be single although most women I have met say it and yet when they find a special mate in their life suddenly they act like they are more complete, and seem to be happier than ever unless of course it goes sour which is a whole different bag of bones I plan to discuss at another date.

A lot of research has shown that people are happier and healthier in relationships and marriage. *According to Professor Dario Maestripier whose findings are published in the journal Stress "What we found is that marriage has a dampening effect on cortisol responses to psychological stress"

That is one of the many health benefits that have been found from coupling up according to many different medical journals. You can certainly go look this stuff up its all over the Internet. I am not going to list them all as this is just a blog and not a research paper.

I myself have found that I am more comfortable within a relationship. I feel more at ease, and I feel less worried about a lot of things such as finances, going out, health, etc..  I can say though it has to be a Healthy relationship and not an abusive one. Of course being in an abusive relationship is bad, but denying yourself a relationship because you’re afraid of it or just on the policy that you think it makes you a stronger person is not healthy either.

Once again I am not saying it is not all right to be single. There are perfectly healthy people being single and seem to be happy about it. What I am saying is take a deep look at your reasons for it. Have you swung all your energy into your career to avoid being in love or found some other place to put those basic human needs?  If not than hurray for you but please do not put down others for wanting to be in a couple. We all have our own way in life so do not put down others for choosing a different one.

As women we should support each other no matter if we are single, dating, in a relationship, or married. The stay at home housewife has just as much value as the working ones. The single woman has just as much value as a married one. Lets stop making judgments about the choices we make or the things we want in life and instead put our energy elsewhere.

References
*http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/7952466/Relationships-are-good-for-your-health.html

My love songs

So here is a list of some of my favorite love songs. Why? Well despite my own problems with relationships some small part of me still believes. The stupid part of me.

1. The way you look tonight- Frank Sinatra

Seriously I love a good romantic Frank Sinatra song. Ol' Blue eyes makes me swoon.

2. Can you feel the love tonight- Elton John

Oh Simba falling in love. What more is there to say?

3.When a Man Loves a Woman- Percy Sledge

I would like to believe in this song most of all.

4.Kiss from a Rose- Seal

I am a comic book nerd and this was from a Batman movie. I will be your Catwoman come and catch me.

5.Underneath it All- No Doubt

Strip it all down and will you still love me

6.Lets Get It On- Marvin Gaye

Ok this is more of a lust song, but it works for me.

7. Maybe I'm Amazed- Paul Mcartney

Another one that makes me want to believe

8. Every Little Thing She does is Magic-The Police

I will be your Magic Sting.

9. Unchained Melody- Righteous Brothers

Pottery class anyone?

10. I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing- Aerosmith

I had a guy sing this to me once. He was cheating on me. Great song though.

11. I'll Stand By You- The Pretenders

This was my song to a guy I loved. Yeah I did stand by him until he started acting like a jerk.

12. I'll Be There For You- Bon Jovi
With or without the rest of the band Jon has a way of singing love songs that makes me cry.

13. Girl- The Beatles

Its The Beatles and its sweet.

14. Never Tear Up Apart- INXS

I loved this song when i was young.

15. Alone-Heart

Oh My Goddess! They are Goddesses and who has not wanted to be alone with that one that makes your heart beat like a drum.

16. Always On My Mind- Micheal Buble

OK I know I should like the older version, but I actually hate the older ones. This one makes me feel something though.

17. Truly, Madly, Deeply- Savage Garden

Oh this song!

18. Fly Me To The Moon- Frank Sinatra

Once again I swoon.

19. To Be With You- Mr. Big

I think this was like the only song I knew by them, but it is so sweet.

20. I Knew I Loved You- Savage Garden

These guys knew how to write a Love Song

21. With or Without You- U2

Ok I think this song might be more like a suicide note.

22. Moon River- Any version I have ever heard!

Love this song so much! Ala Breakfast at Tiffany's

23. Can't Get Enough of Your Love Baby- Barry White

The music that makes your clothes drop off your body

24. Killing Me Softly- Roberta Flack

Ohhhhhhh this song is just so beautiful

25. Are You Lonesome Tonight- Elvis Presley

No way I was not going to throw some of The King in here.

26. In My Life- The Beatles

Beautiful

27. (You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman- Aretha Franklin

Damn Aretha I wish I met a man who did this and actually stuck around.

28. Babe- Styx

Do not make fun of me!

29.Can't Help Falling In Love - Elvis Presley

Another one

30. Just Died In Your Arms Tonight- Cutting Crew

This song was just OMG!

31. Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman- Bryan Adams

Bryan Adams is another one that knows how  to sing a love song.

32. Wild Horses- Rolling Stones

So is this a love song or a threat?

33. Open Arms- Journey

Where are you Mr. Open Arms?

34. Patience- Guns N Roses

I do not have any left!

35. Please Forgive Me- Bryan Adams

I think every man should memorize this song for when he screws up.

36. Always- Bon Jovi

Forever and Always even though you left me.

37. One- U2

Technically not a love song but oh well

38. Faithfully- Journey

I know I know its so sappy

39. Love of a Lifetime- Firehouse

Yeah one from the days I dated guys with big hair.

40. Bed of Roses- Bon Jovi

I am telling you this guy does the romance

41. Punk Rock Girl- The Dead Milkmen

Punk has love songs toooooooo!

42. Your name is Tattooed on My Heart- Screeching Weasel

Awwwwwwwwwww!

43. Come Away With Me- Norah Jones

A Man who plays this while I sit in a bubble bath will get my heart

44. If I died In Your Arms- Devil Doll

You really should listen to this it is an amazing song.

45. Lovesong- Adele

Yeah

46. Stay By My Side- Fiddlers Green

Speed Folk is my favorite and this song is just gorgeous.

47. Thank You For Loving Me- Jon Bon Jovi

I know I know

48. The Only Exception- Paramore

The man who I finally settle down for.

49. Everytime- Britney Spears

Yeah I usually am not so crazy about her but this song is amazing.

50. Falling Slowly- Any version I have heard

Great song



So there you have it. If by chance you have not heard some of these songs i suggest looking them up on YouTube and having a look and a listen. You might be pleasantly surprised and find a new love song for Valentines Day. Have a favorite love song I did not post?

A Great Love that became a Great Tragedy

So many people do not understand what I have been through with my great love. They just make assumptions and judgements etc.....  What i went through is not the classic or even normal domestic violence situation there was a little more to it than the classic manipulation and brainwashing.  I have been through that when I was much younger and I know how it is, and i do my best to help other women who have been through domestic violence, rape, etc...  Anyways here is the story of my Great Love.

I met him at a Halloween party which I was supposed to go to with another guy.  We will call him Satan. Anyways Satan got called into work , and I asked my friend T for a ride. He said no problem he just had to pick up some other people first. Now T and his bf had been trying to set me up with a guy for a while and I was ignoring their efforts, because after all I was dating other people and enjoying myself being single.  So anyways T picked me up and I got in the back of the car and sat next to GL (my great love), and from than on he followed me around at the party the whole night.

I found him to be pretty sexy despite him being on the short side. He had big blue eyes with long eyelashes, shaved head, tattoos all over, and yet he was so eager like a puppy dog.  I found him sweet. He never left my side the whole night, and we slept next to each other that night on my friends pull out sofa.

The next morning he asked if I would come to his place and meet his cat. Since we both loved animals and cats especially. I agreed and after going home and showering, and wearing normal clothes I went to his place. He lived in a boarding house and had a small room near the kitchen and bathroom. He had a small fridge as well in his room along with a bed and sofa. His cat by the way disliked me. We watched a movie together on the couch and soon were busy doing other things. We had a great time, and after he walked me home.

Now i thought this was going to be a fling, but GL had other plans. He immediately started calling me his girlfriend and at first I was a bit creeped out, but he was not coming off creepy as much as just happy to oblige me. So after he talked about all the things we would do I thought this might not be so bad. This was our beginning , and for years we dated and were very happy with of course the usual amount of arguments in a relationship. Sometimes they were rough but that is the way it goes. Never was he abusive or cruel, or did I ever think he would hurt me.

Now that was so many years ago. It has been 2 years since I broke things off with him because of his constant drinking, too many prescription medications, and somewhat abusive behavior.  Things had become bad and I needed a break from all of it. I told him he needed to get himself together, and take care of himself on his own. He was extremely unhappy with our break up and became very introverted to the point he hardly ever left his room. I was so busy trying to get my own personal self together I did not notice how bad it had become until the day he had a Psychotic break.

That is when I was truly for the first time afraid of him. He walked around the house with a knife and kept saying I broke his things. When nothing of his was broken. He carried on like this even after my daughter came home. So this time the police had to be called and I hid in the closet as they took him out of our home. It took 6 police officers to carry him out , and the whole time he was screaming.  I was traumatized, and went into a total manic mode. I was like this for a long time, and was not quite sure what i was even doing with myself. I did get a restraining order, and suddenly I was going out and doing more than I had in years. The problem it was not really the things i needed to be doing.

When he got out he eventually came to me and well I am not going to go in to a lot of detail on this but at first he seemed alright but than I ended up finding out he was worse than before. He did not even seem to remember us breaking up at all.  He did not seem to understand that he was hurting me. He was incredibly confused and it was just a big mess .Soon the police were called again and this time the charges were more severe.

This was my Great love. I had spent years very happy with him, but due to Doctors who kept giving more and more medications and not paying attention to how he was reacting to them, and drinking along with it. He just became someone else completely. The fact of the matter is I am still in love with the guy from before all that.. The one who was always eager to please me and would rub my feet and treat me like a Goddess. The guy who loved his cat to the point of spoilage. The guy who thought i was the best cook in the world and ate what I made with appreciation. The one who just loved kissing me over and over. This is not to say he did not have flaws before as well. We all do. I will miss that guy probably til the day I die. He is not there anymore. His body is there but someone else resides in it. I would like to think that the justice system would help him get proper care, but so far I have just seen them throw him in jail and forget about him.  I wonder how many people are in jail that really just need mental health.

I spent a whole year after all of this being extremely angry myself and thinking he deserved the worst, but now I wonder if maybe that was my own mental instability talking after all that trauma. He needs help, and I hope someday he gets the help he really needs.  I myself will keep grieving for that man I met at a Halloween party that followed me around with his big blue eyes.