On this day I promise not to lose it.

Today I am taking my daughter to her Cystic Fibrosis clinic  in Albany, NY. Seems like it would be a fun day trip, but often times it is just exhausting. Also this time around I will not be stopping in to see any of my friends so it will be an all day trip with the ex husband.

I will have a book, my headphones, Pandora,  Water bottle (must stay hydrated), and some healthy snacks.  Also armed with the ability to ignore him for the most part.

Wish me luck as I venture into a place I hate with a person I think is out of his mind. I really am crazy...really I am.

My love songs

So here is a list of some of my favorite love songs. Why? Well despite my own problems with relationships some small part of me still believes. The stupid part of me.

1. The way you look tonight- Frank Sinatra

Seriously I love a good romantic Frank Sinatra song. Ol' Blue eyes makes me swoon.

2. Can you feel the love tonight- Elton John

Oh Simba falling in love. What more is there to say?

3.When a Man Loves a Woman- Percy Sledge

I would like to believe in this song most of all.

4.Kiss from a Rose- Seal

I am a comic book nerd and this was from a Batman movie. I will be your Catwoman come and catch me.

5.Underneath it All- No Doubt

Strip it all down and will you still love me

6.Lets Get It On- Marvin Gaye

Ok this is more of a lust song, but it works for me.

7. Maybe I'm Amazed- Paul Mcartney

Another one that makes me want to believe

8. Every Little Thing She does is Magic-The Police

I will be your Magic Sting.

9. Unchained Melody- Righteous Brothers

Pottery class anyone?

10. I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing- Aerosmith

I had a guy sing this to me once. He was cheating on me. Great song though.

11. I'll Stand By You- The Pretenders

This was my song to a guy I loved. Yeah I did stand by him until he started acting like a jerk.

12. I'll Be There For You- Bon Jovi
With or without the rest of the band Jon has a way of singing love songs that makes me cry.

13. Girl- The Beatles

Its The Beatles and its sweet.

14. Never Tear Up Apart- INXS

I loved this song when i was young.

15. Alone-Heart

Oh My Goddess! They are Goddesses and who has not wanted to be alone with that one that makes your heart beat like a drum.

16. Always On My Mind- Micheal Buble

OK I know I should like the older version, but I actually hate the older ones. This one makes me feel something though.

17. Truly, Madly, Deeply- Savage Garden

Oh this song!

18. Fly Me To The Moon- Frank Sinatra

Once again I swoon.

19. To Be With You- Mr. Big

I think this was like the only song I knew by them, but it is so sweet.

20. I Knew I Loved You- Savage Garden

These guys knew how to write a Love Song

21. With or Without You- U2

Ok I think this song might be more like a suicide note.

22. Moon River- Any version I have ever heard!

Love this song so much! Ala Breakfast at Tiffany's

23. Can't Get Enough of Your Love Baby- Barry White

The music that makes your clothes drop off your body

24. Killing Me Softly- Roberta Flack

Ohhhhhhh this song is just so beautiful

25. Are You Lonesome Tonight- Elvis Presley

No way I was not going to throw some of The King in here.

26. In My Life- The Beatles

Beautiful

27. (You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman- Aretha Franklin

Damn Aretha I wish I met a man who did this and actually stuck around.

28. Babe- Styx

Do not make fun of me!

29.Can't Help Falling In Love - Elvis Presley

Another one

30. Just Died In Your Arms Tonight- Cutting Crew

This song was just OMG!

31. Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman- Bryan Adams

Bryan Adams is another one that knows how  to sing a love song.

32. Wild Horses- Rolling Stones

So is this a love song or a threat?

33. Open Arms- Journey

Where are you Mr. Open Arms?

34. Patience- Guns N Roses

I do not have any left!

35. Please Forgive Me- Bryan Adams

I think every man should memorize this song for when he screws up.

36. Always- Bon Jovi

Forever and Always even though you left me.

37. One- U2

Technically not a love song but oh well

38. Faithfully- Journey

I know I know its so sappy

39. Love of a Lifetime- Firehouse

Yeah one from the days I dated guys with big hair.

40. Bed of Roses- Bon Jovi

I am telling you this guy does the romance

41. Punk Rock Girl- The Dead Milkmen

Punk has love songs toooooooo!

42. Your name is Tattooed on My Heart- Screeching Weasel

Awwwwwwwwwww!

43. Come Away With Me- Norah Jones

A Man who plays this while I sit in a bubble bath will get my heart

44. If I died In Your Arms- Devil Doll

You really should listen to this it is an amazing song.

45. Lovesong- Adele

Yeah

46. Stay By My Side- Fiddlers Green

Speed Folk is my favorite and this song is just gorgeous.

47. Thank You For Loving Me- Jon Bon Jovi

I know I know

48. The Only Exception- Paramore

The man who I finally settle down for.

49. Everytime- Britney Spears

Yeah I usually am not so crazy about her but this song is amazing.

50. Falling Slowly- Any version I have heard

Great song



So there you have it. If by chance you have not heard some of these songs i suggest looking them up on YouTube and having a look and a listen. You might be pleasantly surprised and find a new love song for Valentines Day. Have a favorite love song I did not post?

those passing by

There are some days I wonder about the poor people who overhear conversations I have with my friends when we are out. Last night we went from housewives to what is better for spankings a switch or a paddle. This is my world your welcome to jump in and enjoy the ride at any time. The name of the ride is CRAZEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Judgement Moms

Recently I thought I might be pregnant because sometimes when it comes to sex and men I become an idiot. That is Ok I accept this about myself and its all good. Anyways during this time I thought about if I managed to get through a whole pregnancy ( I tend to miscarry) how would I manage. These thoughts were the normal ones of finances and would the Father actually help me etc...

Than another thought occurred the one that truly horrified me!

JUDGEMENT!!!

The judgement of pretentious parents in the town I live in. You know the types I am a better Mother than thou. I meet them all the time. I cannot stand these Moms who go about flaunting how all their food and clothing and even their diapers are organic. How they only carry their children about in cloth Papooses, and they would never put their child in a baby swing while doing household chores.

My beautiful daughter did not get all organic food in fact i used the jarred stuff and she loved it. I use disposable diapers and I loved them!  We had a front carry on for her that clipped off to become a baby seat which was awesome for walks in the mall when we stopped and had dinner.  The best thing of all was that baby swing and Blues Clues on the TV so I could get the cleaning done and make dinner. I like the way my daughter turned out fine thank you!

(Bean as a little kid.) 

I can see me now trying to do all of this around here. I would be shunned by quite a few other Mothers. Hell I already have been. I am not saying that organic noms and fancy green baby stuff is not awesome. What I am saying is we all parent differently and it does not make us bad Mothers when we say the hell with it and use a cheaper or easier way of doing things.

So if your a Mom have you ever felt judged by other Mothers? Did you ever let your daughter eat a mushed banana off the ground and get the evil eye?

Romance in 2012

Another year gone by and I am not sure what to say about it. I mean was it a good year or a bad year? I would say it was better than some, but like most years it had its up and downs just like life does.  A lot of small dating experiences where I started to wonder if bad sex and flings were just my life now.  I did not want to think that despite my belief that there is nothing wrong with sex and flings deep down I wanted a bit more. I am far more of a romantic than I claim to be.  With that being said I do not like cheesy romance either that is constantly making you sick. I think the reason that kind of constant lovey doveyness makes us feel like puking out a whole bottle of Merlot along with the remnants of our dinner is because its not real. I will get back to that in another post.

Anyways romance seemed to not be for me and I tried my best to accept that. I got my diploma and rambled on through my life. Than I met bearded dickhead whom we shall call BD. BD seemed like a decent guy at first. He after all seemed more interested in me than just an overnight fling. He had a steady job, a daughter the same age as mine. We had a lot in common like Doctor Who and other sci- fi and fantasy interests. He took an interest in certain things I liked in the bedroom. Hurrah! So maybe I was not that attracted to him on a physical level but I decided that would be shallow to choose people in that manner. I felt I had grown out of the need to have them look a certain way to make me happy. I think I was so busy feeling good about myself for going out with someone that was not my style physically I missed the fact that he was a jerk. He constantly had a reason to not come and see me and I tried to be understanding because his excuses were about the ex wife and what a fright she was and how she never came to get her daughter when she was supposed to. Well I knew all about that sort of stuff due to my own ex husband so I waited it out..  Well BD finally did come see me and most of the time he talked about his ex wife and his Mother and how horrible they were , but in reality they did not seem so horrible to me. They seemed like strong women who just chose different things in life than maybe he thought they should. I still ignored this and had some really great sex. So of course I tried to stick with him. He did not want to stick with me though because I asked questions and I did not agree with him on many things and this just made him angry. We both decided we would be better off just being FWB (friends with benefits).  After our last encounter though I realized the man is just a dickhead and he always would be a dickhead. So I moved on and he did as well. I never heard from him again and I was might fine alrighty with that.

Than came K. He had already started messaging me before I was even done with dickhead. He was persistent, and sweet, and romantic. We had everything in common from Horror movies to the food we enjoyed. He kept saying how perfect we were for each other and I totally fell for it all the way down the well. We talked long into the night about every subject we could think of, and when he asked me things that might have made me run from others I actually started to rethink who I really was. He made me realize so many things about myself. Also we both are afraid of giraffes! How many people will you find afraid if giraffes?  So anyways on we went and he also never seemed to have any time for me. Except for conversations and I forgave him all of it because I had already fallen. He called me his love every time we spoke he talked about having this future together that I had never really wanted suddenly the idea of taking care of his three children and moving in with him seemed like a good thing. I was willing to rearrange my life to be with him. He talked of moving into my town and making a life together. All to good to be true you say?  He vanished from my life as though I was never of any importance. We had no argument, and nothing had been said to cause an upset at all. In fact he had vowed his love for me and I did for him.  Than poof he was gone! He broke my heart, and he also messed with my head.  No I do not want him back, because I could never trust him again. I would like an explanation just because well I am a cat and my curiosity beats out my need to stay away for the most part. So yeah I would like to know what the hell was that all about.

He did make me realize that i do want a relationship of some sort and not just flings though. Moving in with someone no I do not really want that right now. I am kind of used to doing things my own way.  On occasion though I would like someone around to change a lightbulb I cannot reach and snuggle into bed with. That would be nice.


Now its 2013 and I met someone else at the end of 2012 we shall call him Sir Blue Eyes.  He seems pretty awesome although we always seem to be on the opposite of the same coin but we converse about it instead of getting mad. He works hard and he can cook! He loves his family, which I think can be a good thing because it means if things go well and we become more serious someday he will love me and care for me the way he does with them.  I just need him to do something for me. Have some patience I have been through a lot not even counting the losers I dated in 2012. I got some trust issues and I am trying my best but I need some reassurance every now and than.  I hope that is not too much to ask.

So romance in 2012 not so great, but I always have hope.  Just like Charlotte in Sex and the City I always have hope for the real thing. I just try to hide it and act all tough cause I am a cancer and that is what crabs do we hide in our shells and scuttle about when what we really want is to take care of those around us if they will just look at us with adoring eyes and give us kisses on our foreheads till we fall asleep in each others arms.

Eh what a bunch of romantic crap. :)

The grass needs some fertilizer

So lately I have been having the pity party vibe going on in my head.  Woe is me and all that.  Why you ask? Well because my latest relationship fell through in a very odd way (for another post), and finances are a mess due to the mistake of another (also for another post).  So I have spent most of my time whining to some of my friends, and the rest of the time whining to myself.  Yes everyone deserves their whine in the sun….wait or is that wine in the moonlight?  Hmmmmmm….well the point is we all need to have some time to heal, and I do have a lot of past where I have needed to heal. I guess that is the thing I am so sick of healing.

Than again wouldn’t it be nice for everything to be perfect in my life. HAHAHA! The grass is always greener is it not? I am always looking at the lives I would like to have (also for another post), and never just being happy with the life that has been given to me. I could say, “What is there to be happy about?” and I would have to answer, “I am not a starving child in Africa.” The fact is unless you are a child starving in Africa your pretty much doing OK.

Always look on the bright side of life. We like to stick out our tongue at that cliché and tell it go where the sun does not shine. The truth is we need some of these clichés to keep us on track and living out lives in a manner of hope, and appreciation.  I do after all have things to be thankful for. I have my daughter, a place to live (amazingly), my crazy pets, my crazier friends, and a pair of Hello Kitty slippers.

So this all being said I am going to give a little to charity this holiday season. I may not have much but there is always someone worse off. So make sure to give someone else a bit of hope this year, and if possible remember to do such things all year long from time to time.

 The grass really is not any greener for anyone else, and in fact they got their own problems. We all need to get more fertilizer.

Pumpkin Shells and Cheese

In this area I am kind of known for my Smoky Mac and Cheese, but tonight I wanted to add Pumpkin to the mix and make a few other changes. I really am in the mood for comfort food lately as I have been in a funk, and i am sure all the fat and calories in this will make me feel funkier in the end. Oh but the yumminess of eating it!

Pumpkin Shells and Cheese
16 oz box of Shells Pasta
1 can Campbells Cheddar Cheese Soup
1 cup canned or fresh cooked pumpkin
2 cups half and half
4 to 5 oz. Colby Jack Cheese shredded
1/2 stick of butter
1/2 tsp Garlic Pepper Seasoning
1/2 tsp. grated Nutmeg
Panko Bread crumbs
Paprika

Cook the Pasta according to box instructions. While Pasta is cooking make the sauce. Add Soup, Pumpkin, half and half,Cheese, butter, garlic pepper seasoning, and nutmeg, and stir over low heat until smooth.

When Pasta is ready and drained pout into a 13 inch lasagna style dish. Pour the sauce over the pasta. Sprinkle Panko crumbs over it all and than sprinkle Paprika as well.

Bake in a 375 degree oven for 35 minutes.

Let it sit for 10 minutes if you can.