Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Things have changed since Bridget Jones

Do you remember the book Bridget Jones Diary? I loved that book and the movie was pretty good as well. The thing was she showed how hard it was being single when all your coupled friends seemed to look down on you for it. This was a trend for some time, and may still be going on today although I have not felt that kind of pressure from my married or coupled up friends while I have been single.

Instead I have found a different pressure I keep facing that is truly annoying and I think lacking empathy. These days it seems women look down on their single friends for wanting to be coupled. I have done it as well. Well why do you need a man? This question pops up when someone is whining away over a pint of Ice cream that they cannot find a good man.  Who said she needed one? Maybe she just wants one?

What is wrong with wanting to be in a couple? Why is there this stigma against it? As though if you want to have a man in your life your a weak woman or less of a woman for it. How times have changed. Why is it that we cannot accept each other as sisters in this world just as we are?

Do not get me wrong their is nothing wrong with women who choose to be single although most women I have met say it and yet when they find a special mate in their life suddenly they act like they are more complete, and seem to be happier than ever unless of course it goes sour which is a whole different bag of bones I plan to discuss at another date.

A lot of research has shown that people are happier and healthier in relationships and marriage. *According to Professor Dario Maestripier whose findings are published in the journal Stress "What we found is that marriage has a dampening effect on cortisol responses to psychological stress"

That is one of the many health benefits that have been found from coupling up according to many different medical journals. You can certainly go look this stuff up its all over the Internet. I am not going to list them all as this is just a blog and not a research paper.

I myself have found that I am more comfortable within a relationship. I feel more at ease, and I feel less worried about a lot of things such as finances, going out, health, etc..  I can say though it has to be a Healthy relationship and not an abusive one. Of course being in an abusive relationship is bad, but denying yourself a relationship because you’re afraid of it or just on the policy that you think it makes you a stronger person is not healthy either.

Once again I am not saying it is not all right to be single. There are perfectly healthy people being single and seem to be happy about it. What I am saying is take a deep look at your reasons for it. Have you swung all your energy into your career to avoid being in love or found some other place to put those basic human needs?  If not than hurray for you but please do not put down others for wanting to be in a couple. We all have our own way in life so do not put down others for choosing a different one.

As women we should support each other no matter if we are single, dating, in a relationship, or married. The stay at home housewife has just as much value as the working ones. The single woman has just as much value as a married one. Lets stop making judgments about the choices we make or the things we want in life and instead put our energy elsewhere.



  1. I hope that you realize that there is a distinct likelihood that part of the reason that you are more relaxed and secure in a partnership situation is due to regular access to sex. I'm not being perverse, just honest. It has been proven that masturbation cannot completely replace sex in the department of health benefits. One more example of the power of human touch and connection. It has also been proven that regular one night stands can't replace regular sex with a steady partner either. This makes complete sense to me. I've slept with someone I didn't know well once in my life, a few years ago, to alleviate the pressure to do it I was getting from both my sister and a good friend of mine. The thought it would be liberating for me, so to speak. It wasn't. It felt all wrong. I don't sleep with strangers and I don't date people that I haven't known for awhile. I'm glad that I have a tendency to be a bit more discerning in my choice of sexual partners. You can't really connect on a deep level to a stranger that you met in bar! That connection is part of what makes sex good for you. I will stick to my "outdated" morals, thank you. They work very well for me. I, too, tend to be happier if I have a strong, hard-working man of my own to take care of. I'm glad I got over settling for remedial pussies. There are so many out there! But I have a pussy, I don't need another! :D

  2. I do love sex but I can enjoy it if its with a stranger or not. I know the difference between intimate sex with a partner you love and share with, and sex with a fling or a friend. I have enjoyed both and neither felt weird to me or wrong. If it feels wrong for you than no you probably should not do it. That being said do not put down others who enjoy it or judge them for it. That is their choice. That connection as you speak of can make sex fantastic but I have also had fantastic sex without that connection its just different for me but still wonderful.

  3. Oh also my most recent heartbreak over a man I am still deeply in love with I have not had sex with at all. Do not make assumptions that because i like sex that is all I need from a man.

  4. Actually being coupled up might not mean that you have easy access to sex has I have experienced. I really enjoyed this piece and also agree that we tend to look down upon people who want to be coupled up making claims that they don't know how to be alone, judge couples who want to define their relationship on their own terms, and the list goes on and on--see a pattern? The point is, we fail to support each other no matter what the choices may be. Also, the whole thing of looking down on a woman or anyone who wants to be in coupledom feeds into the whole myth of independence. We are also even afraid to get too close because goddess forbid it is codependency (yet aren't we born to be codependent to some extent?) Anyway really great piece and something we should all keep in mind.

  5. yes the point I was trying to make more than anything is not to judge other women on the choices of lifestyle they make. Which make it all the more interesting that the first comment seems to be judging me on sexual choices that she seems to think she knows about. Yes it is true sex does not always go along with marriage or being coupled that was a great point EvolvingSoulBody!

  6. I was merely stating that PART of the happiness you find in coupledom was probably related to more frequent access to the delightful endorphin rush associated with regular sex. I was in no way judging you for your sexual choices. I have no idea what your sex life consists of. I was speaking in terms of what MY experiences were with it and MY feelings on the difference between sex with a stranger and sex with someone I am comfortable with. I think you took my comment FAR too personally, as it was not directed at you. I can only speak of my experiences. My experiences are the only ones I would know anything about really. Studies have shown that 1)sex stimulates endorphine production in the brain 2)masturbation lacks the energy connection one has when having sex with a partner 3)that connection is far more easily achieved with someone you know well and have a regular sex life with. After that, I went on to state what my experiences were. I'm not sure exactly how you misinterpreted that as a judgement on you, but it wasn't and I'm sorry if I offended you. If you have managed to achieve that sort of connection with someone sexually that you weren't that familiar with, I'm impressed, to be honest. And perhaps a touch jealous. :) My issue with strangers has unfortunately caused me to be an easier target for "sex with the ex". 9 times out of 10, that has turned out sketchy, as I believe it probably does for most people. But when I left my comment, I couldn't have possibly had any idea what sort of sex life you might lead. That would make it impossible for me to pass judgement on your sexual preferences, now wouldn't it? Hence, my comment was not intended to pass judgement on anyone. The only thing I could be sure of from your blog was that you were single. Once again, sorry if you misinterpreted my comment and were offended by it. In no way was that my intent.

  7. No offense taken. It simply seemed by the way it was written that was what you were doing and in so I found it humorous. As a writer I have to expect that not everyone is going to critique what I write in a positive way, and I thought you were missing the point. No worries. Yes I have had some fabulous sex without being in a relationship, and some within them as well. We are all different, and I wish you luck in finding something that works for you.

  8. I found your blog via Pinterest. As a teen and in my early 20's I couldn't be alone. I couldn't feel fulfilled or at times even function if I wasn't looking for a man, dating a man, married to a man, or breaking up with a man. But I found a wonderful husband and life was...perfect. Then after 9 years together he died in a car accident. For the first time in my life at the age of 32 I was alione. Really, really alone. And now 7 years have gone by and I still love being really, really alone. My life, my decisions, my goals are all mine. My life revolves around me not some man that I am trying to keep happy. It's freedom. Would I take my husband back in an instant? Of course I would. But my life wouldn't revolve around him. Do I want to stay alone forever? No to that as well. I might meet someone tomorrow. This is why I cherish this time alone. Ladies, take time to live life without worrying about men. Give this gift to yourself. I didn't choose to be single, but the lessons I have learned from it has made me a better person.

  9. I'd also like to add that one of my verification words to post that was "valueme." There's no way that was a coincidence. ;)